Catching Up

May 27th.

Today is my brother's birthday. So Happy Birthday if you're reading this, John! We are at the Entusi Retreat Center on Lake Bunyoni in Southern Uganda, very near the border of Rwanda. I can't begin to describe the beauty here. It is vast and green and just lovely. It is also extremely peaceful. I can see why Jamie decided to build this center here. I haven't had internet for a couple days now, and am hoping no one at home is worried. We were supposed to have internet but it is apparently broken. The drive down was about 10 hours and it was a looong day. The last couple days we've done a few things- we took the boat out to a rural village. But mostly we've had some time for rest and relaxation and reflection. Today everyone but about 4 of us went gorilla trekking so we've had the place a bit to ourselves. Tavia and I didn't go because we couldn't afford it on top of staying in Africa for the rest of the summer. In my down time today, Tavia, Jamie (girl Jamie- not professor Jamie) and I cleaned out some of our things and did a ton of bucket laundry. I'm not sure things ever get quite clean here- including myself. Then we laid out on dock for a little while, but it got way too hot so we came back up to the main area. We just had some lunch and now I'm sitting looking out at the lake and thinking about my experiences so far. 

Some themes that keep emerging for me:

Colonialism

Histories of trauma and the legacy it leaves

Desperation

Gender roles

Poverty

Privilege (even just having the privilege of knowing your birthday and having a birth certificate. It is rare here)

Guilt

Intention

Exploitation 

I want to be able to expand on these things in time, but I wanted to at least start a list of some things I'm thinking about. Something else I've been thinking about: I've been hearing my classmates respond in awe to some of the people we've been seeing- "They're so happy. Poor but happy." I've been trying to tease apart why this observation disturbs me so. First, I don't know if it's true or if it's just something we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better. Like, if they're happy then maybe we can absolve ourselves of some of our guilt. And then I was reading a book by Sue Monk Kidd called The Invention of Wings and I was struck by something she said. It is a book about a slave girl in the early 1820s, and the girl was speaking about how the mistress of the house likes to tell people that her slaves are happy- as if that in some way makes her feel better. But what she fails to understand, the slave girl Handful explains, is that gaiety and joy aren't signs of contentment. They are survival. I was struck by how true that it is. I am also having this strange experience in reading a book about slavery in the early 1820s while being in Africa. Thinking about the destruction we caused to generations of people on both continents and the history of trauma that we left in our wake. That got me to thinking about a comment that businessman we met said (the one who disturbed me so). He said, "there will always be haves and have nots." As if we don't have anything to do with who has and who has not. As if we didn't pillage this land, this country, these people. As if we're not still finding ways to do it. 

What do you do when you feel like you have to solve everything or nothing? It is overwhelming to the point of paralyzation. 

I guess we just have to start. Just make a move. Listen. Think. Act. 

May 28th

We just had a very long conversation about the Rwandan Genocide. I don't have much to say about it yet, as I know we will be learning much more in the coming days. The only thing I'll say is a quote from Jamie that stuck with me:

We are not a world that is intolerant of genocide. 

May 29th: 

We just arrived in Rwanda. I am exhhausted. Looking forward to the next couple of days. I will catch up on my writing I hope! It sounds like Tavia and I will be spending our remaining practicum hours (the next month and a half or so) at the Entusi Resort Center. It is  so beautiful and I am very excited. But hoping they can fix the wifi there. Okay, more later!