June 4th

I'm trying to debrief in my head about what has happened in the last two and a half weeks. I certainly became more confused than I ever was before about International Development. The  challenges that face international development work are vast and seem to be constantly changing. How do we do work with a community rather than for? How do we assess what a community needs without imposing our own beliefs, values, and solutions? How successful can community development be in the face of a corrupt government? How do you overcome the obstacles of said government? How do you determine best practices and disseminate the information in a way that is accessible and useful to communities in most need? And how do you really help those communities in most need- communities like the rural, former IDP camp in Northern Uganda, that have no water, no employment opportunities, no schools, no clothes or shoes, no way to access healthcare... the list goes on and on. How do we move away from the "aid only" model on to to something more sustainable, more substantial, more empowering? I think one of my biggest takeaways from this course is that "we"- the Western we- are not going to change Africa. Africa is going to change Africa. And we can certainly help. But we have to drastically shift our ways of knowing and doing. We have to engage in a constant knowledge exchange with Africa- not just tell them what to do. We have to invest in local African economies and businesses- like Pam's peanut butter- so that they can grow, employ more people, expand the local economy. Most importantly, we have to evaluate the aid we are currently sending- money, supplies, etc. First, is it really getting where it needs to go? Is it reaching those in most need? And if it is, is it helping or hurting? Now? In the long run? Is it sustainable, and if so, for whom? 

I think another big takeaway for me is that development work doesn't have to be "big" to make an impact. You don't have to come in and change the infrastructure of a country in order to do good work, to make a difference. Our health clinics were a great example of this. We probably didn't heal or help anyone significantly. But what we did was go into a community that is largely ignored, and paid attention. Touched faces. Played with kids. Listened as best we could. Did we change their lives? No. But did we make one day out of the week a little bit better? Maybe. And that is worth it I think. 

After being in Rwanda, seeing the Genocide Museum, having some time to decompress, I am marvelling in how far removed the United States has allowed itself to become from the international world. Complacency. Ignorance. How do we get our news and what is the angle? The purpose? How do we allow ourselves to continue to ignore the injustices of the world- the poverty, the violence, the genocide? Do we simply not want to know? Is it too difficult to know? Because then when you do know- what do you do about it? But not knowing doesn't mean it's not happening. We have the privilege of removing ourselves. Did you know that less than 8% of the United States population have passports? And how many of those are for Mexico and Canada? No one is saying that you have to go out and save the world. But bear witness. See. Listen. Experience. Think. Travel is the antidote to ignorance. Once you see you can never not know. If we all traveled our values would shift. We would have to become a better part of the world system. We wouldn't be able to continue in our individualistic, self-serving, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" ways. Well. Some of us would. Others might not be changed or moved. Or would see opportunities for themselves. Ways to exploit. On that note, I am still struggling with the concept of intentionality. Does it matter in development work? For example, you look at the businessman who comes to Uganda specifically to make money. Says explicitly, "I do not believe in helping people." But he creates jobs. Employs Ugandans. Still, he's looking out for number one. But I bet those Ugandans who have jobs are glad that they do. So what he's doing could certainly be better, be more ethical, be more helpful and sustainable. But if it is helping those in need, does his intention matter? I like to think that it does. I like to think that the reasons for peoples actions influence those actions and dictate results. But that may just be my privilege speaking. Perhaps those Ugandans that he employs would say that it does not matter. I still don't know. 

I got off on a tangent. Seeing, listening, thinking- those are key. But then you HAVE to act. Or else what was the point? Finding out how you will act- THAT is the challenge. That is what I am struggling with. I don't know enough yet. Or is that just an excuse? 

I'm thinking about coming back to the states and what that is going to be like for me. As Jamie reminds us, our worst days at home are vastly better than some of their best days here. Problems that seemed so huge before- I am hoping I can remind myself to put things in perspective. Like my health problems for example. Yeah, they are a pain. They are hugely inconvenient. I don't feel well a lot of the time. I get sick a lot more than a lot of people. But now. After seeing all this. I know how privileged I am. I know how much worse it could be. 

Anyway. Those are my random thoughts going around my head right now. I wrote this in preparation for a paper we have to turn in for the class, so hopefully I can rework this into a coherent essay. We'll see how that goes.